trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You're like the curious george of whores
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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