So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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