Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
