the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
