Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
