Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
