just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
