My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
