so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
