im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
