Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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