I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
