"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
