id be glad to
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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