I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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