Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
