Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize