i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
