I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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