So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
