I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
