I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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