I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
