You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
