oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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