Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
