You can't motorboat a personality
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
