that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
