just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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