Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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