The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
