Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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