The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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