got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
