Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
