so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
