please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
