I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just gargled with NyQuil
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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