My liver just broke up with me...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
