Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
