i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
