I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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