end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
