I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
