can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize