I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
