Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
