The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
