porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
