How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
