I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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