Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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