so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
