Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
