he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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