$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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