I seem to have left my pride at pride
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
