he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
