i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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