new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize