He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
