my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
