he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
