i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i barfeds in our rink
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
