I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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