So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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