You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
