I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
