OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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