My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
