Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
