I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
