So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
