This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
